i wanted to start out super positive, but, as promised, i'm being real and i feel anything but positive today. i'm borderline hateful and of course there's no one better to take that out on than those we love dearly.
i arrived home from school, not yet quite aware of how truly crabby i was. until i immediately saw that nic hadn't done the few things i'd asked him to do around the house during the day.
HOW DARE HE? my inner sanctimonious asshole roared.
that was pretty much it. the beginning of the end. i blustered into the house and immediately began passive aggressively doing the things i was sure should have been done on my time table and at my command.
to make matters worse, he had made paleo hot chicken and sweet potato fries. and it was delicious.
then he asked me to go for a walk.
(these things both felt truly offensive to me. i really wanted to hang onto my mood.)
i was sullen the whole time.
i recognized my horrific crankiness not as his fault in any way, but i couldn't help but feel annoyed at every thing he did and said. i needed someone to blame and wasn't ready to take responsibility for how i got there, all by my lonesome.
at the end of our walk and my three mile marinating in personal grief, nic looked at me and said these words.
i don't mind that you're crabby.
it didn't make my crankies stop, because i'm too much of an asshole for that today. but it did make me pause, and beneath the many layers of clouds i'm wearing over my usually sunny heart today, say to myself, thank you debew for teaching me about unconditional love.
may all us assholes be so terribly lucky.