on the two settings.


last night, inexplicably, melby slept for six and a half hours straight. half of those hours were during my evening awake time and 80% of the others were spent staring at her monitor, obsessing over whether or not she was breathing, because she was sleeping so much longer than she ever has before and getting what you want is really, truly terrifying. (the other 20% was “sleep,” if you can call it that.)

thus i have discerned that early motherhood consists entirely of either wishing your child would sleep or worrying they’ve died because they’ve finally gone to sleep. 

and that’s about as casual and relaxed as i am 100% of the time.