i have been going and going. furiously. almost obsessively.
the details aren't important except to say, i'm trying to get more done than i feel i have time to do. i recognize that a large part of that is perception.
last night i sat down and had stale corn chips and a tiny glass of old ass red wine for dinner, while i churned out progress reports for school. i feel an impassable chasm between my brain and my body, from my life as i feel it's meant to be and how i'm living. it's not terrible, but i feel this lingering sadness, like i am missing my own life.
this morning i was texting my mama, as i do each morning, just to share tiny life moments and a serving of love for the day. and she said,
"elizabeth allison, you have 10 minutes to stop and buy a decent salad or an apple and some nuts. if you were uncovering bodies from the rubble, you would keep going, but you know, sweet girl, when you have to push and when it's really okay to not try to do it all."
i am not uncovering bodies.
my work is deeply important, but it doesn't have to be perfect. it doesn't have to all be done at once. it doesn't have to mean i lose my soul.
i have ten minutes. i will take it to love and nourish myself.
thank you, sweet mama, for the reminder.